


A Place Beside Him

by valis2



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-01
Updated: 2010-11-01
Packaged: 2017-10-13 10:36:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valis2/pseuds/valis2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick can't hide it forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Place Beside Him

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the kindhearted Little Tristan for figuring out a great place to end the story.

* * *

The itch has gotten too persistent to ignore.

For weeks, Nick's tried to hold it at bay. Tried to resist. But it's impossible.

He wants Cody.

He wants Cody in the worst way.

He wants Cody so bad that he's beginning to doubt his sanity.

At first, he kept it tightly bound. Tamped it down deep inside himself. That didn't work. The dreams came, Cody touching him, Cody sucking him, Cody fucking him. He almost wished for nightmares instead.

Eventually he gave into it, alone in the shower. He imagined Cody's bare skin, the feel of his lips, the touch of his hand. Those minutes in the shower became the most precious thing in the world to him, the only way to take the edge off, to appear normal.

Until three months ago. A gay bar. A back alley. A blond, hot and muscular, fucking him hard.

It was almost perfect, except the guy wasn't Cody. The next week he found someone else. A little short, but it didn't matter. Half a dozen more quickies--in the back of a car, in a hot-sheets motel, in the park--and he knows that he's no closer to getting rid of this demon. If anything, it's worse.

That itch again. Murray's off for a conference in Pasadena, gone all week. Cody's wrapped up in some bikini chick with a killer body, and chances are he won't be back early tonight, if at all. Alone on the _Riptide_ , Nick paces, feeling the desire wind up inside of him.

He'll go nuts if he doesn't let it out.

He grabs the keys to the 'Vette and heads to the beach. A particular beach. One he's heard about from whispers at the bar.

There's a gorgeous blond playing volleyball. It turns out to be an easy pickup. The guy is more than willing. There's no back and forth coy stuff with most of the guys Nick's found; they're either up for it, or they're not. Blondie suggests going back to his place, which makes Nick pause. He's never done that before.

But he has blue eyes. Blue eyes that are almost the right shade.

He agrees. Blondie gives his friends a significant nod.

He follows Blondie through the streets of King Harbor to an older subdivision. He can't help but look around nervously as he parks on the street. The sun's already set, and it's just getting dark, the western sky streaked with dark pink clouds. Blondie shows him in, takes him to the bedroom, and they start making out. No small talk. No pause. Nick's so turned on he can barely breathe, though he's not so sure about Blondie.

A hard chest, muscular arms, the scent of masculine sweat, the heat...he closes his eyes and imagines it's Cody touching him. Too bad Blondie's not so good at this. He scratches Nick on the neck, unexpectedly, and then he freezes when Nick tries to kiss him.

"What's wrong?" asks Nick, trying to get his pounding heart under control.

"Nothing." Blondie looks uncomfortable, and Nick feels a little uneasy. "Look, you want to get undressed? I'll go get...something."

"Sure." He starts unbuttoning his shirt, and Blondie heads out the door. Nick can feel the desire thrumming his veins, can feel the want and the need mounting within him. He can barely get the buttons through the holes.

He's just about to unzip his pants when he hears something. A whisper from the living room. Senses tuned from a childhood spent fighting in the streets, from PI work, from crawling across the floor of a jungle--they all jangle shrilly like an alarm. He grabs his shirt and pulls open the window, sliding out and realizing it's a longer drop than he thought just before he lets go. He hits hard, his ankle turns, but he knows he's got to get out of there nownownow--

Masculine shouts behind him. Three guys, at least. Nick runs at breakneck speed, ignoring the pain in his ankle, jumping into the 'Vette and peeling out of there, engine roaring. He takes the long way home, watching in his rear view mirror constantly, doubling back a few times just in case.

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

His nerves are still jangling by the time he gets back to the _Riptide_. It's fully dark now, a half-moon rising over the water. The adrenaline rush deserts him as he gets into the salon, leaving him shaking and frightened, the back of his skull crawling with fear and could-have-beens. He limps down the stairs to the galley and grabs a bag of frozen peas and the bottle of gin, and settles down in the salon. He doesn't bother with a glass, just drinks a healthy mouthful straight from the bottle. There's not much left, but it's enough to take the edge off the pain, and hopefully make him forget what just happened.

 _That was way too close._ He shudders in fright, thinking of what could have happened. His ankle twinges and he takes another drink, trying to tamp down the fright.

He hears water running, and he freezes in shock as Cody suddenly emerges from below, the expression on his face stormy. "Nick! So you _are_ home. I didn't see you when I came in." He puts his hands on his hips. "Shirley gave me the heave-ho. I swear, I've had more strikes this month than..." He blinks and stares at Nick.

Nick knows how he must look. Shirt buttoned crookedly, hair mussed, a bag of peas on his ankle, and a bottle of booze in his hand. _Fuck it._ He takes another swig.

"What happened to you?" asks Cody in alarm. "You look like you were in a bar fight..." He blinks, narrowing his eyes, staring pointedly at Nick's neck.

Nick reaches up and feels it, a warm spot. A scratch mark. Normally he'd try to play it cool, come up with a glib story, but he's feeling way too raw, too spooked. He can't even trust himself to talk so he just shrugs and takes another swig.

Cody rushes forward and pulls the bottle out of his hand. "Nick, whoa. I think that's enough." He looks down and pulls off the makeshift icepack. "Your ankle...Jesus, Nick, that looks bad. Did you twist it?"

Nick nods, hissing as Cody pokes at it. He tries to pull his leg out of the way, but Cody grabs his shin and pulls the shoe off with his other hand and then strips off the sock. "I think you need two bags." He moves his foot a little, and Nick grabs the cushions and gasps in pain. "It's a strain, at the least." Cody looks at him, frowning, and then lets go, disappearing below. He comes back seconds later with a bottle of ibuprofen and another bag of peas, along with a hand towel which he wraps around the ankle before he sets it on top of the new bag. Dropping the other bag in place, he heads around the table and sits right next to Nick, effectively trapping him. "Take a couple of these," he orders, handing him the bottle, and Nick complies. He can feel Cody's heat through his shirt.

The silence stretches out between them, Cody frowning, Nick just trying to get his heart to stop trying to pound out of his chest. His ankle's throbbing harder, and he wishes Cody hadn't taken the gin away. His stomach is in a knot, roiling painfully, and he finally just draws up his other leg and rests his forehead on his knee. _Everything's gone to hell._

He almost jumps out of his skin when Cody touches him, hand moving gently across his back, a touch that's meant to be comforting but nearly breaks Nick into pieces. The liquor is hot in his veins, flowing like fire, and he's shaking like a leaf now, desperate to stay in control.

"Nick?" says Cody softly, sounding frightened. "What happened?"

"I'm okay," he says roughly, his voice catching.

"You're not." Cody's tone is gentle, and his hand is warm and...perfect on his back. So perfect that Nick squeezes his eyes against tears.

If he snaps at Cody, it'll drive him away. Cody will pout for a day or two, but eventually he'll forget about it and everything will get back to normal, and Nick will still be spending his only real moments in the shower.

If he stays quiet, Cody will eventually lose interest and wander off. He thinks.

If he runs away, Cody might try to follow him. _Who am I kidding? I can't run anywhere like this. I can't even fly Mimi._

If he tells him. If he...

No. He can't. He can never tell him.

There's a sudden pain in his heart, so strong that he forgets to breathe. _Oh god, it's not just a fuck that I want. It's more._

"Nick, tell me!" Cody's panicking now, truly, and both hands are on him, pushing him back against the bench seat, forcing him to look at him. "What is it?"

It's there, on the tip of his tongue, and he can't help but laugh. It sounds harsh and broken to his ears. Cody looks bewildered. "It... It's over. Never mind." He hears the desperation in his own voice and he wants nothing more than to get the hell away from the bench seat, from the salon, from the boat, and most of all, from Cody. He tenses, trying to get up, but Cody exerts a little pressure, holding him down, and Nick's stuck there.

"Tell me." He's switched to a piercing glare now, looking pissed off.

"I had to...climb out a window." Nick feels the flush flooding his cheeks. Cody's still waiting. "Just...forget it, man."

"No." Cody's grip tightens, as if expecting him to try to get away again.

"It's nothing." He feels a shudder go through his body, his skin crawling.

"Stop it, Nick, and just tell me."

"You want to know? Fine." Nick glares back at him, feeling a hot rush of temper. "I picked up a guy who looked like you, and we went back to his place, and his buddies were gonna rough me up. Okay?" He leans his head back against the TV and closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself. The shame is unbelievable. He can feel the slick heat of tears under his eyelids and he keeps them tightly shut.

"You...what?" Cody sounds shocked, completely caught off-guard. "I can't believe...Nick, how could you let yourself get into a situation like that? You went to _his_ place? What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted..." He swallows heavily. "Look, forget about it. It's over."

"Over?" says Cody. "Wait...you've done this more than once?"

Nick hesitates. He's scared to answer. Exhaling, he nods.

"With...with the same guy?"

"N-no." Nick wipes his eyes angrily. "Is twenty questions over? Because I want to go to bed." Cody's still holding him against the seat. "Let go."

"Nick, that's dangerous." Cody looks at him, wide-eyed with fright. "You could get...a disease. Or robbed. Or worse. You could get killed."

"There's...protection, Cody, I'm not stupid, okay?" He wipes his eyes again, blinks a few times. "This was a close call, that's all."

"Promise me," says Cody, suddenly fierce. "Promise me you won't go out there again looking for...for that."

Nick stares at him. If he had no outlet for this desire...if he had to be around Cody and he had nowhere to go... "Don't ask me that."

Cody pales visibly. "You have to promise me."

"Cody, look, it's not like girls," he says quietly. "I can't just expect a guy to stop by and knock on the door. You have to go out and find...one."

Cody looks away, a telltale blush on his face.

Slowly it dawns on Nick that Cody isn't freaked out about his confession that he was with a guy. A guy that looked like him.

"Fine," says Cody brusquely. "You go do whatever you want-- _whoever_ you want--but I don't want to hear about it."

"You know," says Nick in astonishment. "You know what it's like because you've done it yourself."

Cody runs a hand through his hair and goes to get up, but Nick grabs his arm and pulls him closer. "Damnit, you know--"

"Fine!" barks Cody. "I know! Okay? I know."

Part of him is filling with questions, too numerous to ask, like _how many times? How many guys? How far has he gone, what has he done, how long has this been going on--_

A far greater part of him is completely paralyzed, swimming in circles. He blinks and blinks again. Cody is close, too close, the heat from his body overwhelming, the scent of his aftershave, his eyes intense.

Without thinking, Nick leans forward and kisses him.

Cody kisses him back, a low moan vibrating in his throat, grabbing onto him with both hands as if he is a drowning. It feels so good, so amazingly good, so much better than a dream or a fantasy in the shower. Cody is there, pressed against him, lips so hot and wet, moustache prickling against his upper lip, and Nick is flooded with a desire so strong that his hands are shaking as he holds onto Cody's arm.

A sharp, searing pain in his ankle, and he breaks the kiss, gasping. Cody looks shellshocked, staring at him for a moment. Nick tries to shift his leg with no luck. The frozen peas fell off at some point, and he grimaces.

"Time for bed," says Cody firmly. "And you're staying home for the next few weeks."

Fear grips him. _Is Cody just going to pretend that we never kissed? Will this fade away?_ A wave of misery and exhaustion crashes over him, and he's powerless as Cody hoists him to his feet. His ankle hurts even more now, and he winces as Cody propels him along to their room. The stairs are the worst, and Nick bites back a swear word or two, hurting in both body and soul. Cody parks him on his bunk, and he unbuttons his shirt. It reminds him of being in Blondie's room, of the desire, the fear, and suddenly his hands are shaking again, worse than before.

"Nick?"

He looks up at him, his partner for so many years, his friend, his war brother, and anger and shame suddenly wash over him. _I have no right to ask for more. I should never have kissed him._ Cody starts unbuttoning Nick's shirt, sliding the buttons through efficiently and helping him shrug it off. Nick lies down and unbuttons his pants, and Cody helps him pull them over his swollen ankle. It hurts and Nick can't help but wince.

"I'm glad," says Cody quietly, pulling the blanket up over him. "I'm glad that you're okay, that you're home safe with me. I'm glad that tonight turned out this way. I'm glad, most of all, that you kissed me. We've both been running away from that...for a very long time." He gently caresses Nick's cheek, the warmth of his fingertips so wonderful that Nick wants it to never stop. "And you're hurt, so we won't be sharing a bunk tonight," continues Cody. "But in the future...I'd like to. I'd like us to be together, Nick, and I've wanted that for a very long time."

Nick's heart seems to burst in his chest. "Cody..." He grabs his hand and holds it tightly. "I want to be with you. That's what I want."

Cody leans down and kisses him, sensual and hot, a promise lingering on his lips after he moves away. "Get some sleep, okay? Tomorrow there'll be time for everything." He grins, and there's desire in his eyes, so strong that Nick can't help but grin in return. "We'll talk..."

"Talk?" says Nick incredulously.

Cody looks like he's trying not to laugh. "Yes. Talk. We have all day." One last touch to his cheek, and then Cody turns the light off. He gets undressed and slips into his own bunk. "I think we might want to take a trip up the coast," he adds.

"A trip?"

"To San Francisco. I know a guy there who remodels boats for a living."

Nick frowns in the dark. "Look, if it's the paneling you want to replace, I can do it--"

"It's more of a furniture overhaul."

"Furniture."

"I think there's one bunk too many in this room."

For a second, Nick is speechless, an erotic vision of the two of them in a bed together flooding his vision. It's so powerful that he nearly moans.

"Goodnight, Nick."

"Yeah. Night." Nick closes his eyes, hope flooding him, the tension he's been carrying for weeks spiraling away into something else, something wonderful. Cody wants him. He wants Cody. It's more than he ever dreamed possible. And to share a bed, to take a place beside him...

He smiles. Tomorrow looks bright indeed.


End file.
